“My husband has become close friends with a man he met through work. He and his wife live nearby, and we’ve gone out with them as a couple a few times. I like my husband’s friend, but my husband and I really dislike his wife. We’ve tried, but she’s cold, rude and a Debbie Downer. I have no interest in seeing her. The problem: My husband’s friend keeps inviting us to socialize with them as a couple. We keep saying we’re busy. But my husband is torn: He thinks we should tell his friend that we just don’t want to see his wife. I disagree. What do you think?” This is the message a Facebook friend of mine sent to me privately a few weeks ago. Don’t be bothered that I am sharing her privacy with you. She permitted me to. Of course she did!

 

When I read her message, I didn’t waste time typing back that “Your husband is an idiot.” (No! I’m sure he’s not!) But the hurt or protectiveness you may have felt when you read my criticism of your loved one is probably a fair approximation of the way your husband’s friend would feel if you shared your honest thoughts about his wife — no matter how euphemistically. Don’t do it. Instead increase the rate at which you meet with your husband’s friend’s wife.” And she understood. It is supreme egotism to suppose that friendship entitles us to rail on our friends’ partners.

 

When immigrants on iMiMatch do not like a friend’s partner (because such feelings are normal between human beings), or maybe their behaviour, they do not ask the friend not to bring the partner to social gatherings. No! Instead, they encourage the friend to come with the partner at every time. Believing that every human being who is capable of meanness also is of kindness, users on iMiMatch practise something very simple: they focus on activities like nature walks, card games, going to films. This, because spending more time with the hated person helps them to see and understand their real nature.  I bet you, just like users on iMiMatch, you might be shocked to turn to love what you hated just a while ago.